GREETINGS FROM NORTHERN SWEDEN

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AURORA LIGHTS

 

windshield wipers scream as snow fall alters into wall

my father's steering through the dark woods as we head afar

to the narrow streets where our childhoods meet

 

I hope I'm not forgotten here yet, but it's been so long

is the place where you are from the same as where you do belong?

years back, still unstained, I knew each face by name

and I'm glad I'm back tonight

beneath aurora lights

 

hooded parking lot kids huddle, smoking in a ring

a bittersweet feel swirls as my teenage is echoing

being 15 here can be a load to bear

 

hanging by the bus stop lends you hope of things to see

aging like a dog at seven times the normal speed

can they recall, my friends, when we used to spend

our drunken teenage nights

beneath aurora lights?

 

we slow down under unlit streetlights, bowing and aligned

outside the worn down houses where our old ones wait to die

my mother once said "Jonas, don't let life just pass you by"

I grew up here believing in people who try

the taillights from my best friends spin in circles and take flight

forming giant waves of light upon these Northern skies

 

silence alone is a "welcome home"

beneath aurora lights

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MICHAEL COLLINS

 

short, distorted conversations

a billion eyes redefining isolation

 

he gently wipes off condensation

to see the space between himself and all his loved ones

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and the void staring back

a color darker than black

one small step for a man

but a giant loop for the man confined

 

snow falls like a million sparkles

these moonlit streets have turned from straight lines into circles

in orbit with my precious setbacks

I disconnect, too ashamed to ever get back

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and in hindsight it seems like the most of my teens

were spent rehearsing for this disappearance act

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am I biding my time or just left here behind?

I sure know how to bring myself down, please, come pick me up

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CARRYING THE STORM

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you turned pale when your heart broke

the blood came streaming from your nose

dripping a trace upon the curb

back to a place you once called home

four walls echo "you're alone"

and fill the gaps between your nerves

with solid emptiness and dissonant tones

 

 

you spent your childhood in the snow

and your teens out in the cold

but it's hard to keep warm

when you are carrying the storm

 

 

arms outstretched to gain control

while you are tumbling down a hole

moving much too fast to grip these jagged, wet and black walls

so, you reach the bottom of the pit

cut and bruised up by the hit

a strange, familiar feel from previous falls

oh, you have been down here before

you see your past skins on the floor

there's a way up if you try to recall

​

 

you spent your childhood in the snow

and your teens out in the cold

but it's hard to keep warm

when you are carrying the storm

 

 

breathing fresh air back upon the ground

those blood drops, dried and brown

in zigzag lines across this town

are a map to former friends who let you down

yet you still feel confined, well then maybe it's time

you put your streets in line to be left behind

 

 

to spend your childhood in the snow

and your teens out in the cold

doesn't mean you can keep warm

if you are carrying the storm

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AFTER I WAS A KID BUT BEFORE I GREW UP

 

in a puzzling way I could hear myself say

"I don't need to be taken home"

but I'm leaning on lies to hopefully hide

that I can barely stand on my own

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it's a way to level out

the scales of hopes and doubts

(after I fell in love but before I broke down)

 

closing one eye to see

what I type on the screen

probably I will regret this plea

oh, these streets aren't mine

and I'm touching the lines

forgetting my OCD

 

I'm not anxious or even bored

I'm not nervous or insecure

(after I had a few but before I had more)

 

my head's a bee hive and I leave it behind

at any given chance that I can find

and the pile of misdeeds

that I'm kicking like leaves

this wishful drinking aligns

 

my blood is so thin you can see through my skin

and read every thought within

I'm a wide open book and the pages you took;

keep them but let no-one look

 

I love everyone tonight

I can even stand my own sight

(after they threw me out but before I threw up)

 

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you tonight

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you tonight

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you tonight

ah, who I'm I kidding?

your smile is still a despot inside my head

 

I love everyone tonight

I hope they never turn on the lights

(after I was a kid but before I grew up)

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PORTABLE HELL

 

there is no hell

where sinners dwell

it's a state of mind

when you're left behind

 

I am a cold, black silhouette

I will be fine someday, I guess

but I can't see how yet

 

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FöLLINGE

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[instrumental]

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STETHOSCOPE SOUNDS

​

over the bridge to the city

crossing the park and the railroad tracks

rehearsing some sweet words to whisper

when our temples touch at the new town square

I said

"this life writes no I.O.U.'s

let's put every moment left to use"

 

entwined

breathing out fleet clouds

four arms encircling repelling poles

the first snow punctures the darkness

city hall bells chime as you inhale

you said

"inside every I love you

is a too demanding I.O.U."

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over the bridge in the snow fall

everything's white like a new, clean slate

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A CHANGE IN ALTITUDE

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I still see your face some nights

and you're smiling, telling me that

where you're now is draped in bright lights

and though I know it's just my own bad conscience

taking your shape in ethereal ways

it's somehow soothing

 

I could have picked the phone up, let you know that I cared

I don't know why I was scared

I could have come by after school and talked about your day

why the hell was I not there?

 

 

how could I think you'd always be around?

yes, I saved the hardest words for other days

a lack of backbone had me sinking down

subsiding soundlessly into myself

 

​

some say blood and water differ well in thickness

but money soaks them both with equal quickness

and through the bullshit and attorney letters

no-one felt that it all lead to something better

there were so many things I should have let you know

I don't recall once saying how I loved you so

 

 

a choral song flows from the balcony

but crooning strangers can not comfort me

"death is just a change in altitude",

the chorus goes but what if that's not true?

did you miss me too, just like I missed you?

 

years from now when I'm a shade over the phone

waiting for someone to call home

will they care to let me know if I'm not alone?

 

bringing flowers tied in rings

is too late to mean a thing

like the words I kept within

while you where breathing

 

 

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TRONDHEIM HARBOR

 

I catch my breath at last

in a pitch-black underpass

while the rain pulls down the city into the sea

 

an Atlantic cold wind blows

beating up a row of boats

and puts out my one last Lucky Strike

 

suddenly a voice cuts through the dark

some fast Norwegian words behind a spark

she leans in while my eyes slowly are adjusting to her light

 

 

we're throwing nervous jokes

between us, through the smoke

about spray tans and local punk rock bands

 

we've been hiding here so long

that the rain and strains have gone

so we slip out into the harbors open arms

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standing where the streets and ocean meet

two roaring forces clash beneath our feet

in a four-part with the wind, counting with the fire that she brings

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I hold my breath as you take my hand in yours

tectonic plates colliding shake the ocean floor

while warm blood brings some color to our winter skin

 

we both got some stones attached but you assure

that the heaviest concerns we throw won't float ashore

these ships go everywhere

we could easily disappear but we're fine here

 

 

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THE ONE YOU LOVE IS MOSTLY WATER

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the one you love is mostly water

and you've been sleeping in the sun

the one you love is puzzle pieces

but there's no picture on the box

 

your heart once broke and then you decided

to love yourself but it was unrequited

 

and your life equals 29000 days

you spend a third asleep, the rest is spent awake but dreamt away

and your cells, all those tiny little cells

are replaced in seven years, so make a mark before you're someone else

 

the sought for love can be misleading

but nothing is completely safe to believe in

so you beat yourself almost senseless with

your young heart pounding harder than a fist

 

your confidence is a shaky thing to hold on to

like a rope bridge, frayed and twisting under you

so don't write that book then no-one will hate it

and don't leave your room unless you're awaited

(no, no, no...)

hold your head high and stay consistent

and don't leave your path of most resistance

 

but when she's near there's no word for how it feels

she's a missing battery, you're two poles in synergy

one is positive if one is negative

 

the one you love is mostly water

so be there to dry the tears

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