I crawl out from my burrow

on these groundhog days

to see what my shadow states

well knowing the winter stays

I try to stop this loop up ’til the bitter start

it’s grueling but I still

got skin between my scars

6 AM but I’m not sleeping

pills and pride is all I’m eating

day is breaking 

but my head is fixed inside

the dark between the stars

I must have an abundance

of lives left to live

if the lesson is learn to give

all I have given is up or in

like an alchemist in reverse

I can take something golden and make it disperse

oh, the simplicity of egocentricity


warm and nervous flushes

roll across my face

displaying my crippling shame

to self-critical acclaim


my voice box is a Rubik’s cube

I can’t solve this mess or talk it through

I’m so puzzled every word is suddenly

stuck like me

in the dark between the stars


I’m shadow boxing and the shadow’s winning

it’s seeping through my skin and slinging

punches til I’m spitting teeth 

and blackout in

the dark between the stars




windshield wipers scream as snow fall alters into wall

my father's steering through the dark woods as we head afar

to the narrow streets where our childhoods meet


I hope I'm not forgotten here yet, but it's been so long

is the place where you are from the same as where you do belong?

years back, still unstained, I knew each face by name

and I'm glad I'm back tonight

beneath aurora lights


hooded parking lot kids huddle, smoking in a ring

a bittersweet feel swirls as my teenage is echoing

being 15 here can be a load to bear


hanging by the bus stop lends you hope of things to see

aging like a dog at seven times the normal speed

can they recall, my friends, when we used to spend

our drunken teenage nights

beneath aurora lights?


we slow down under unlit streetlights, bowing and aligned

outside the worn down houses where our old ones wait to die

my mother once said "Jonas, don't let life just pass you by"

I grew up here believing in people who try

the taillights from my best friends spin in circles and take flight

forming giant waves of light upon these Northern skies


silence alone is a "welcome home"

beneath aurora lights



short, distorted conversations

a billion eyes redefining isolation


he gently wipes off condensation

to see the space between himself and all his loved ones

and the void staring back

a color darker than black

one small step for a man

but a giant loop for the man confined


snow falls like a million sparkles

these moonlit streets have turned from straight lines into circles

in orbit with my precious setbacks

I disconnect, too ashamed to ever get back

and in hindsight it seems like the most of my teens

were spent rehearsing for this disappearance act

am I biding my time or just left here behind?

I sure know how to bring myself down, please, come pick me up


you turned pale when your heart broke

the blood came streaming from your nose

dripping a trace upon the curb

back to a place you once called home

four walls echo "you're alone"

and fill the gaps between your nerves

with solid emptiness and dissonant tones



you spent your childhood in the snow

and your teens out in the cold

but it's hard to keep warm

when you are carrying the storm



arms outstretched to gain control

while you are tumbling down a hole

moving much too fast to grip these jagged, wet and black walls

so, you reach the bottom of the pit

cut and bruised up by the hit

a strange, familiar feel from previous falls

oh, you have been down here before

you see your past skins on the floor

there's a way up if you try to recall


you spent your childhood in the snow

and your teens out in the cold

but it's hard to keep warm

when you are carrying the storm



breathing fresh air back upon the ground

those blood drops, dried and brown

in zigzag lines across this town

are a map to former friends who let you down

yet you still feel confined, well then maybe it's time

you put your streets in line to be left behind



to spend your childhood in the snow

and your teens out in the cold

doesn't mean you can keep warm

if you are carrying the storm



in a puzzling way I could hear myself say

"I don't need to be taken home"

but I'm leaning on lies to hopefully hide

that I can barely stand on my own

it's a way to level out

the scales of hopes and doubts

(after I fell in love but before I broke down)


closing one eye to see

what I type on the screen

probably I will regret this plea

oh, these streets aren't mine

and I'm touching the lines

forgetting my OCD


I'm not anxious or even bored

I'm not nervous or insecure

(after I had a few but before I had more)


my head's a bee hive and I leave it behind

at any given chance that I can find

and the pile of misdeeds

that I'm kicking like leaves

this wishful drinking aligns


my blood is so thin you can see through my skin

and read every thought within

I'm a wide open book and the pages you took;

keep them but let no-one look


I love everyone tonight

I can even stand my own sight

(after they threw me out but before I threw up)


I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you tonight

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you tonight

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you

I'm not thinking of you tonight

ah, who I'm I kidding?

your smile is still a despot inside my head


I love everyone tonight

I hope they never turn on the lights

(after I was a kid but before I grew up)



there is no hell

where sinners dwell

it's a state of mind

when you're left behind


I am a cold, black silhouette

I will be fine someday, I guess

but I can't see how yet





over the bridge to the city

crossing the park and the railroad tracks

rehearsing some sweet words to whisper

when our temples touch at the new town square

I said

"this life writes no I.O.U.'s

let's put every moment left to use"



breathing out fleet clouds

four arms encircling repelling poles

the first snow punctures the darkness

city hall bells chime as you inhale

you said

"inside every I love you

is a too demanding I.O.U."

over the bridge in the snow fall

everything's white like a new, clean slate


I still see your face some nights

and you're smiling, telling me that

where you're now is draped in bright lights

and though I know it's just my own bad conscience

taking your shape in ethereal ways

it's somehow soothing


I could have picked the phone up, let you know that I cared

I don't know why I was scared

I could have come by after school and talked about your day

why the hell was I not there?



how could I think you'd always be around?

yes, I saved the hardest words for other days

a lack of backbone had me sinking down

subsiding soundlessly into myself


some say blood and water differ well in thickness

but money soaks them both with equal quickness

and through the bullshit and attorney letters

no-one felt that it all lead to something better

there were so many things I should have let you know

I don't recall once saying how I loved you so



a choral song flows from the balcony

but crooning strangers can not comfort me

"death is just a change in altitude",

the chorus goes but what if that's not true?

did you miss me too, just like I missed you?


years from now when I'm a shade over the phone

waiting for someone to call home

will they care to let me know if I'm not alone?


bringing flowers tied in rings

is too late to mean a thing

like the words I kept within

while you where breathing





I catch my breath at last

in a pitch-black underpass

while the rain pulls down the city into the sea


an Atlantic cold wind blows

beating up a row of boats

and puts out my one last Lucky Strike


suddenly a voice cuts through the dark

some fast Norwegian words behind a spark

she leans in while my eyes slowly are adjusting to her light



we're throwing nervous jokes

between us, through the smoke

about spray tans and local punk rock bands


we've been hiding here so long

that the rain and strains have gone

so we slip out into the harbors open arms

standing where the streets and ocean meet

two roaring forces clash beneath our feet

in a four-part with the wind, counting with the fire that she brings

I hold my breath as you take my hand in yours

tectonic plates colliding shake the ocean floor

while warm blood brings some color to our winter skin


we both got some stones attached but you assure

that the heaviest concerns we throw won't float ashore

these ships go everywhere

we could easily disappear but we're fine here




the one you love is mostly water

and you've been sleeping in the sun

the one you love is puzzle pieces

but there's no picture on the box


your heart once broke and then you decided

to love yourself but it was unrequited


and your life equals 29000 days

you spend a third asleep, the rest is spent awake but dreamt away

and your cells, all those tiny little cells

are replaced in seven years, so make a mark before you're someone else


the sought for love can be misleading

but nothing is completely safe to believe in

so you beat yourself almost senseless with

your young heart pounding harder than a fist


your confidence is a shaky thing to hold on to

like a rope bridge, frayed and twisting under you

so don't write that book then no-one will hate it

and don't leave your room unless you're awaited

(no, no, no...)

hold your head high and stay consistent

and don't leave your path of most resistance


but when she's near there's no word for how it feels

she's a missing battery, you're two poles in synergy

one is positive if one is negative


the one you love is mostly water

so be there to dry the tears





you're so silent that you're gray

you're a walking shade they say

still, beneath that self-detest

there's a true heart in your chest

should it feel like you're standing someplace

where you just don't belong

and the waiting is painfully long

should it feel like this world won't see things

quite the way that you do

if you're lonely then here's one for you


always siding with the few

just as naïve as you

turning deeper yet within

on the outside looking in

should it feel…

insecure and withdrawn

someday weak become strong

stay unfeigned and your time will come, you'll see

some might demean you

but their respect you just don't need




illuminate the heart of my intentions

there is no clandestine motive on my side

I'll shadow my affection till this tension

cuts a swath across this city a mile wide


everywhere there's people holding hands here

I can barely hold myself together

heart is bona fide

still won't set the ache aside

blown to smithereens inside

and concealed in me

where a patience used to be

now just void and vacancy

I have filed all ridicules on creased notes

breathing deeply I attempt to stay restrained

I'm carrying a rifle in my trench coat

to make sure they will not question you again


swallowed by a crowd it always strikes me

I am never this alone on my own


heart is bona fide

still won't set the ache aside

blown to smithereens inside

and concealed in me

where a patience used to be

now just void and vacancy


if I wrote a song like Daniel Treacy

would you then consider wasting time on me?




this is our manifesto

declares what our love's based upon

included is a list of people

we swear we never will become

§1. We give our love to all things crooked

§2. Every outcast is a friend

§3. We sing and whistle while in public

§4. To win them all is not our intent

we swirl clenched in a midair alliance

it's a weightless pact

yes, we soar lofty and might be out counted

but we're not figured out

§5. "Seinfeld" guides us like a bible

§6. We're equal shares of dreams and doubts

§7. We'll stake it all on happy endings

§8. The Christian right-wing freaks us out

we swirl clenched in a midair alliance

it's a weightless pact

yes, we soar lofty and might be out counted

but we're not figured out

a clarity comes when you're near

singing requiems for tears

soothing and sincere

as long as I can follow you

any gravel road will do

where we once two?


we shared the same shadow those days

for years had we our closeness chased

wired heart-wise and allied

I held you tight when you cried

"my mind is such a crowded place

and this road leads us in two different ways"

I still consider you my best friend

where do I start, where do we end?


the hell with "time will heal all wounds"

time is all, all I have left

reading your online diary

it is binary killing me

yet the only way to reconnect with your life now


a black dog is following me

I run but I barely breathe anymore

the world spins, I'm absent and numb

nothing is meant to die young

nothing is meant to die young



on my path of bends and slant ways

in a muted color scheme

disembarked into a wry state

out here I carry you with me

strange how times meant to be hey-days

promised bliss then vaporized

slowly caved in, became gray days

to me you are a shining light


your words resound to me

a fierce epiphany

in high fidelity

"carry through and just leave

there's soothing poetry

in what's yet to see"


I'm strolling zigzag back from dead ends

every cloud bank forms your face

all the waiting is so long

and all the longing is a weight


your words resound to me

a fierce epiphany

in high fidelity

"carry through and just leave

there's soothing poetry

in what's yet to see

sometimes to shatter makes you whole”


please, if you'd pick me up

from these sad backstreets

I won't let you down

I reel around every dream

with no place to call home

I won't let you down

I guess you face the light anew

when your own shadow is in front of you

oh, what might we become?

some count our odds

but who needs their fucking love?

will our routes cross someday?

you traveled far

while I wished myself away



I will state my case:

yes, I've wasted all these days

just letting every hope mislead me in a haze

a sad cliché

but her absent smile has left me dazed

I won't use spite to find my way

all of my thoughts are soothing illusions

the start is new but I saw the ending scene

in this motorcycle daydream

anticipation wrapped in confusion

every bit of sense left along the line

there's a motorcycle daydream in my mind


I could need a hand

and I truly never planned

to go and fuck it up again

and here I stand


every bit and piece, there's no small clue

helping me get closer to you

thinking ahead of time is my weak part

self-dramatizing, trusting what I've foreseen

in this motorcycle daydream

wishful events will orbit my lit heart

plain sick of all the things I can't leave behind

there's a motorcycle daydream in my mind



she drew a circle round the exit

a statement just to kill their doubt

and said "we're waiting on a chance that never comes

there's no other way than out"

and I won't mind

should dreams just perish into dust

you're by my side

”let's leave tonight

heaven knows we need to put things right

these city lights

a tangerine line fading out of sight”

the discontent and fear of failing

we always wore it on our sleeves

let's part from this town and for once in our lives

put our restless hearts to ease

I, I've been waiting long to tell you

your sad half-smile is see-through

this waiting wears you down


”let's leave tonight

heaven knows we need to put things right

these city lights

a tangerine line fading out of sight”


and you, you said to me

"someday we'll find that place to be"

so this time, let's leave for sure

"but do we know what we're searching for?"


I handed him a paper

thick white lines of vapor

will get that message through

he climbs into his airplane

speeds off from the start lane

the praise is overdue


above this town from side to side

the letters spreads out open wide

hope she sees the writer in the sky

but maybe it's a mindless spree

my place on her scale is make-believe

guess I've always been a bit naïve

the pilot makes a last spin

heads off, disappearing

into the blue and gray

the job for now is over

feeling fairly sober

although it's Saturday


the loneliness is such a weight

so sick of love he's paid to state

humming " Time Has Told Me" by Nick Drake

feels much too ashamed to say

like vapor trails his heart turns gray

so afraid he too might fade away



songs we hold close learned us more about this life

than those years sitting cornered in a class room

for every darkened time there is a tune

a soothing pain kill safe to sink into

love might not always shelter me

but how sad a life would be with guarantees

three-minute songs sometimes last a lifetime long

safe in sound with Norwegian pop to stick to

let's go where people are like you and me

the dance floor is a mess but so are we

she says "there are few things left to loose"

but tell me how could music ever fail us too?

Julie, this too shall pass

these pensive times

it's just another low, these never last



searching for something less hollow than this

”let's trade all this boredom for one night of bliss”

forget about work, put your worries aside

we'll go where the music will shake us alive

”so tonight let us drink 'til we can't take no more”

then into the crowd, sweat it out on the floor

the last song fades out, stumbling into the night

”here - take my hand, take my last Lucky Strike”

we run through these streets and for once reminisce

the moments we've seized - not the chances we've missed

”as I'm quoting Ricky Gervais you're aglow”

tonight at your place we'll embrace in stereo


”but faith will not leave us like youth will one day”

if life lets you down, I will make it OK